April 21, 2009

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

A lovely young Jamaican sistren that lives in Atlanta, Georgia, USA sent this to me via e-mail. I just wonder if I should take it as a compliment that she sees me as still eligible for membership in the Cute Girl Sisterhood or if she's telling me something in the kindest way she knows how.

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will buff and moisturize my skin so my feet and soles are soft and silky.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Don't keep this is to yourself - pass it on to other sisters.

If mi see unnu sport a look like dis yah fool-fool gal, mi gwine 'tep pon allah unno toes dem wit mi bruk-up foot! (If I see you looking like this, I will step on your toes with my broken foot!)

9 Shared Thoughts:

N'Drea ~ the Storyteller said...

GREAT post!!! Sign me up for that pledge too, lol.

As for that last pic - DAMN! Where's the Fashion or Foot or Pedi Police to fine her for life! Can we say talons? Somewhere, a werewolf is howling. I KNOW you have more sense than that!

BetteJo said...

Feet just aren't my favorite things, but my very first boyfriend always told me mine were cute because I have tiny toes. I TRY to pay attention to them, especially in warm weather. I don't think I can sign the pledge though, I've never had a pedicure or even a manicure in my life!
And the last pic, YUK! And I think it's also a bit weird that she looks like she only has FOUR toes on each foot! :)

LADY ROOTS said...

Sistren N'Drea,
You can bet that sister sleeps alone! No man with good sense would cuddle up with those razors! Nasty business. When she walks outside she must be picking up all manner of filth under those toe nails! Can you feel me shudder?

Sistren BetteJo,
Our warm Jamaican weather allows us to expose our toes year round. It has only been in the last ten or so years that I have indulged in pedicures. It is a girlie indulgence that my husband also enjoys. And you are right. Her four long claws look weird and creepy! Ever think about looking up that first boyfriend and showing him your cute feet and tiny toes again?

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

The Beading Gem said...

Great sandal pledge! I've seen too many rule breakers and that last photo? Yuck1

LADY ROOTS said...

Sistren Pearl,

My husband freaks out when he sees a woman with ugly toes wearing sandals. He says they may as well go barefoot in the dirt. I think YUCK pretty much sums it up.

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

Jamaica My Way said...

LOL cute post. I think I will be banned from this club permanently if they found out that on my 3rd day in Jamaica on my last trip, I caught my toe in some rocks in a waterfall and my toenail fell off.

I was mortified having to walk around in sandals for 2 weeks with no toenail. EEEEWWWW!


Barbaric ! Barbaric ! Barbaric !

LADY ROOTS said...

Sistren Kristi (JaMyWay),
If you create a pretty design with permanent markers on top of the ugly band-aid, you probably would only get probation, not a life-long ban. Buck-toe mek pickney bawl. Stubbing the toe will make a child cry. Hope you are healing quickly.

Idren Esteban,
What? The pledge or the last pic?

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

Bev's Jewelry said...

I am not a sandal wearer. Never found a pair that were comfortable. As for the rules, boy, I break too many. I don't think my feet look bad just don't need them exposed. I think part of it is our weather in New England. I go bare foot if it gets that hot.
Last picture... not enough kind words.