December 18, 2008

Tough Love VS Spanking Children


This thought provoking advice was sent to me from America.

While conditions in Jamaica may not lend themselves to an exact application of the recommendation, it does provide food for thought. Especially after an encounter with some pickney dem (children) who have never been introduced to any likkle bit of brought-upsy. (manners)

Consider this:

"Most of the American populace thinks that it is improper to spank children. I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One method that I have found to be very effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, IPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot, too.

I've included a photo of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique yourself."

I am interested in a poll of my readers. After considering the technique outlined, would you recommend the tough love approach or an old fashioned spanking?

15 Shared Thoughts:

Bev's Jewelry said...

Hmmm... Interesting idea. Just spent some time with my son and his 3 children. Youngest is the "Timeout Queen". We live with two other grandchildren and observe a different (not necessarily better) parenting style. My third child has yet a different style. They all seem to work in their life style. All three are different from the way they were brought up.
Love the thought you suggested however.

LADY ROOTS said...

Sistren Bev,

Do you ever discipline any of your grandchildren? Is it easier or harder than when you were disciplining your own children?

"Timeout" was an unheard of concept when I was growing up. It was more along the lines of "knock you out".

Times change, but kids will be kids.

Thanks for stopping by again.

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

Clay Perry said...

i like the time out with threats of spankings, being raised in a place and time when you got a first class whipping when you misbehaved, i can tell you... it works

BetteJo said...

My kids are grown, and I didn't spank. Doggone it - nobody told me about the car-ride technique! I can see how it might work. :) And then every neighbor you have would call the police. Lol!

Leslie said...

I think it will be different with each child. Traditional spanking (nothing that causes extreme pain or could be considered abuse in any way)could work on some children and not on others. Discipline of some kind is definetly in order and manners are essential. I don't know the answer except to say that being a parent is the hardest job there is and ever will be.
For me the teenage and young adult years have been the hardest of all-when spankings and time outs are no longer an option.

Lots of prayers and patience-that's what is best.

Love you LR-

I called you the other night and spoke to Rootsman, but somehow the phone never made it to you.

Hope you are healing up well:)

Bev's Jewelry said...

Lady Roots, I do not discipline my grandchildren unless I'm the only one around when they do something that is dangerous. (I would do that for any child). Since we live with two of them, it is important not to have 5 people who discipline. That is confusing to the child. I've been known to comment "I don't think your Mom would like that" however. Knee jerk reaction. ;-)

Azure Islands Designs said...

I'm from the generation where the parents spanked...I have to say it worked because you were too afraid to misbehave...having said that I chose a different way...

I used talking, removing from the situation, and writing lines was the all time hated punishment for my daughter...worked every time!!!

Every family and situation is different!

LADY ROOTS said...

Idren Clay,
When there is a strong foundation of love between the parent and child, a spanking won’t break any bonds. Unfortunately, many parents, battling frustrations of their own, can’t tell the difference between a “first class whipping” and abuse. If you are ever faced with a situation in which you must discipline Patrick or James, at least they are grounded in the knowledge of your abiding love for them.

Sistren BetteJo,
Our kids are grown up, too. I couldn’t have used this particular tough love approach, because we didn’t have a car! All of our children have their own way of dealing with behavior issues with their children. Once, in the midst of a pity party for one, my son whined, “But, Mom, you don’t know what it’s like to have a child that JUST WON’T LISTEN!” My deadpan response, “Oh no, dear one, I’ve never experienced that!” He finally got it and just laughed.

Sistren Leslie,
You are so right. Every child responds differently. Adults who grew up in households where spankings were a normal part of child-rearing usually don’t see a problem with spankings. As an adult who grew up in a physically abusive home, I want better for my grandkids. I agree with you that lots of prayers and patience are the best!

Sistren Bev,
I understand your reluctance to discipline your grandkids (unless there is an immediate danger). I was the disciplinarian in our family and am so glad to lay that burden down when it comes to the grandkids. I often hear from my kids, “But, Mom, you never used to let me do that!” And I reply, “You are right and I was wrong! I learned a lesson at your expense and your child will now reap the rewards of my learning!”

Sistren Heather,
Thanks for stopping by for a visit. I hope you come back often. When you say writing lines, do you mean like having her write I WILL NOT TORMENT MY YOUNGER BROTHER one hundred times when she hides his favorite toy for the millionth time? By the way, I like the jewelry you offer at Azure Islands Designs.

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

August Mayfield said...

Lady Roots

Very interesting dialogue indeed. It's enlightening to hear everyone's comments.

I didn't get beaten but my brothers and sisters did. I was the youngest child and witnessing all those beatings (spankings) - I made sure that I didn't do anything to get beaten for. Although it made me quite inventive when I decided to do something which "might" warrant a beating.

I've never beaten my sons. I'm strict, firm and fair. But I'm not anti-beating/spanking.

Every family has to do their own thing but also be open to other ideas.

August M

LADY ROOTS said...

Sistren August,

You sound like one of my younger sisters. She was the one who would always try to be "extra good, ultra-obedient" so she wasn't often the target of my father's rage. The other five of us didn't fare so well.

May your sons grow to realize the blessing Jah gave them in a Mother like you.

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

Di said...

LOL!!! That is hilarious!

I used a combination of time outs and spankings when they were younger. Now I just take privleges away.

LADY ROOTS said...

Sistren Di,

I am so glad someone finally saw the intended humour in this post. It was supposed to be funny, but it obviously touched a raw nerve with some folks.

I agree that at some point, spankings stop being effective. Cherish your kids and let them know how important they are to you and to Jah.

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

N'Drea ~ the Storyteller said...

Did someone really think that you were serious??? Unbelievable! I found the photo hilarious!

Bwoy, some people dark an' fool-fool, eeeh?

Awright, oonu come cuss mi now. Mi back broad. LOL!

Stay strong, sistren.

LADY ROOTS said...

Sistren N'Drea,

Fool-fool doesn't even begin to describe the idiocy of two of the comments I had to delete.

If they were just stupid, I would have posted them anyway, cuz even stupid folks have something to say. But they were filthy, vile and hateful. For someone who claims to love children so much, those commenters were filled with hate!

Some folks just can't get a joke!

Bless Up,
Lady Roots

Jdid said...

i'm pro spanking. doesnt need to be used all the time but the option should still be on the table.
my dad maybe spanked me twice ever but i was so afraid of being spanked that i thought twice about many wrong doings.

some of these new fangled teachings would have us let children run roughshod over us as we attempt time outs and speaking softly and begging. there is a time for explaining, and being nice about stuff there is also a time where spanking is the right solution.